Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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