Can i not drive my cunt home
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
