ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
