Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
