Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
