It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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