my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He shit in the fireplace
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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