I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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