Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
