Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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