people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
