I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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