Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
