Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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