If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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