I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My bed smells like the plague
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
