she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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