sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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