we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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