i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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