Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
