Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
