we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
