we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
