JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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