i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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