she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
