she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize