I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
