and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
