that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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