He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
