I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
