Your face is a jimmy john
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
