Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
