Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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