Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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