so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
