If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
