Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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