one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
