we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
