i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are we still banned from the library?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
