At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
