Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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