I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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