There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
