She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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