Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
