Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
