The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
