I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
