You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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