i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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