i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
