You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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