So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
