Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
