mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
