Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
