im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
