The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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