nut hugger
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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