Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Alive.
So much puke
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
