It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
