Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
