you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
