Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
