I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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