when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
