I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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