so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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