is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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