I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
