My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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