a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Farmville is her only friend.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
