Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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