when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
