...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
