i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
