Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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