Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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