What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
