just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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