people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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