well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
