Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
