OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i out mim tonsoeep
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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